56 Notes


First, the amazing original.

"Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake."

"Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me?"

"Stop saying that!"

"We are men of action. Lies do not become us."

Oh, the sot has spoken.”

 "Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless!”

 Do you always begin conversations this way?”

 Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.”

  ”Beautiful, isn’t it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain.”

So let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel?”

A trifle simple, perhaps.”

I admit it, you are better than I am.”

Get used to disappointment.”

The battle of wits has begun.”

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”

We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons. Skill against skill alone.”

You mock my pain.”

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here.”

"… and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?”

That doesn’t leave much time for dilly-dallying.”

So bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.”

The Pit of Despair!”

I’m not listening!”

I think that’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard. How marvelous.”




by Andrew Scott, author of Naked Summer  



  1. ginger8lee reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  2. thishedgehog reblogged this from asakiyume and added:
    …sounds more like what my brain tells me when I am writing, but really, same difference!
  3. asakiyume reblogged this from trillingwire
  4. wilhelm-showalter reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  5. trillingwire reblogged this from andrewscottonline and added:
    I really could have used this during my writing MA.
  6. orchis reblogged this from declanlunch
  7. whereisthescreaming reblogged this from jeangreydefensesquad
  8. tardisdelorean reblogged this from tenth-doctor-watson
  9. tenth-doctor-watson reblogged this from jeangreydefensesquad
  10. declanlunch reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  11. hermiginnyharvelle reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  12. cleopetrus reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  13. feveroftheworld reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  14. obsessivereaderandwriter reblogged this from andrewscottonline and added:
    I can’t believe you didn’t use, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
  15. readinasinglesitting reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  16. openbooksorg reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  17. bookpop reblogged this from bookriot
  18. isleofconclusions reblogged this from sassafrasjungle
  19. hmhbooks reblogged this from andrewscottonline and added:
    Oh, indubitably.
  20. kellycriedwolf reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  21. booksandghosts reblogged this from bookriot
  22. onearmedsexhoboofdoom reblogged this from andrewscottonline
  23. muggledom reblogged this from andrewscottonline and added:
    This is epic.
  24. lostsoulhhrlove reblogged this from bookriot
  25. sassafrasjungle reblogged this from bookriot and added:
    Rebloging just for the original, it was funnier in my opinion.
  26. britishauthor reblogged this from bookriot